oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
