you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
