I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
