I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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