That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
