if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
