You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
