If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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