Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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