sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
