Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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