I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
