I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
