my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
