Do you still have your period?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
