the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
