i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
