Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
