dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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