broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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