covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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