I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
