just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Two words: blizzard sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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