when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
