Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
