I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
