Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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