I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
