weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I only lived at night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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