its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
