Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My life is pants optional.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
