do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
