Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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