he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
