i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
