I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
