Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
