He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
