can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
