he thought i was a dude.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I supernannyed him into submission
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
