Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
