Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
