Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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