i don't like sucking hair
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
