took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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