oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
