Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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