It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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