we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
