Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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