either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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