if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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