i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
