The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
