Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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