there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
