Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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