What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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