yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
