The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
