in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
