my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My balls are so social today.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
